Michelle

Aries
22
small eyes
long hair
sentimental

L♥ves

fireworks
travelling
stars
lil' surprises
meet-ups over coffee
peach red tea w pearls
asian food
all things glittery, shimmery & shiny
carnival rides at funfairs
occasional indulgence in girly pretty stuff
supper meetups
cutesy push-carts n mini-stores
all the angels in my life :)

Credits

History

September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007

Speak To Me

Monday, January 31, 2005

mr wee's "complaining" tt i nv blog bout him enough.. tt silly guy claims i'm nt thinking of him.. ;p

he's how wrong....

so today i'm gonna blog about h..i...

his parents!!ahah *winkz*

ed's dad & mum dropped by yest.. auntie called to say she has some cny cookies for me.. *yum* it was a rather heavy bag when i held it so i asked auntie why so much stuff.. auntie said its all kid's foodstuff (xiao hai zi de dong xi) heh i felt young for awhile.. =D they are reli sweet...

they're gg penang for the new year so they came early..

i feel so loved.. ;)

mich` @* 3:28 AM

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e cny goodies frm ed's daddy & mommie! ahh erm... kid's stuff??

mich` @* 2:30 AM

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my 1st ang-pow for the yr!! =D

mich` @* 2:28 AM

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Saturday, January 29, 2005

its definitely bed-time now..& i know i'd need a clear mind for tmr's comm law lecture..

but still..

haven spoken to choy for a super long time. she's either nv online, or online - but MIA... all thanks to the stupid time difference of 7hrs btw spore n sweden.. i miss her...

& when she's finally available, i juz had to gif her attitude! wth was i tinking? made her feel as if its her fault when its me & me TOTALLY!! stop apologizing!

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and with the time difference of 13hrs between spore n usa, its equally or even harder to get ed..

mich` @* 2:58 AM

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had my first run in a very very long time..let's see, approx in bt half a yr? running always make me feel better.. both physically & mentally.

it helps to clear my head, rid e stuff which are bothering me, at least for awhile. so whenever i'm stressed or upset, i run.

we went get bubble tea.. tried e blueberry ice-blended which lam ordered (yesh i know it sounds disgusting.. ;p ) aha it tastes surprisingly good!! i actually enjoy e drink made out of 1 of moi least fav fruit! *shldn't judge sth wout giving it a try---> applies to many real-life situations.. u'd nv know wat u may be missing out on.

had an interesting & engaging conversation with lam.. exposed me to many happenings in society..an aspect which i've nv given much thought to.

mich` @* 1:32 AM

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Monday, January 24, 2005

i'll live life, learn to live life instead of letting life's trivial matters bog me down.

i'll nt let comments by insignificant pple affect me in any way watsoever.

i'll not waste time doing things which are merely out of obligations but nt fulfilling.

i'll not spend my time on pple tt are not worth my effort.

i'll cherish the people i treasure, more each day.

i'll constantly remind myself to love and to give with sincerity.

i'll learn not to compare.

i want to appreciate contentment, n all things life bring my way.

mich` @* 2:32 AM

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she's wearing the gloves, e scarf n the beenie i bought for her.. n prob the socks too!! am glad to know she's kept in my warmth everyday, at least thruout winter.. *smiles*

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if i haf as much to splurge as compared to many others, i'll nt bat an eyelid spending on watever, literally, watever tt catches my eye. i'd nt haf to tink twice about buying or spending on anything that i may desire. i'd nt appear irresolute when shopping or making a decision or on any other occasion for tt matter. i'll be able to afford all that i want, i.e. do anything as long as i'm happy. i'd prob nt develop tt indecisive nature tt's eating me alive.. i'll not haf to do my cost-benefit analysis.. i'll nt haf to work for a single day in my life.. i'd juz haf to open my mouth to ask, n my allowance escalates w an amt tt any other person wil prob haf to slog a year for..

nobody said tt life was fair..

many things just do not happen the way they shld ideally be...

i'm not complaining.

Life's brought many challenges, not to such a large extent tt'll drive someone over the edge, just enough to mould me into a better person, adequate for me to learn, to pick myself up after a fall n stil stand tall, sufficient to remind me tt i am strong, n will always be....

when i dun haf much to spend, i'll use my own means to earn my keeps.. all these years, watever i want, i earn n save. n i'm proud of it.. when i need to prioritize wat i wan spend on, i'll spend watever tt brings me the greatest joy n fulfillment.

and recently, i find myself reconsidering thrice whenever i see sth i like(which i usually end up not getting), but v willing to spend on things tt i perceive wil b able to make my loved ones happy...

ya i do get more joy n fulfillment.. picturing their happy faces genuinely makes me smile from the heart ;) even if it means sacrificing my "short-term goals", it all seem worthwhile.

mich` @* 1:01 AM

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Sunday, January 23, 2005

totally cant stand staring bitches.. cannot comprehend why some pple juz love staring so intensely lyk as if its so shocking to see another being with two eyes n a nose! *duh*
wats more disgusting r the roving eyes of some of our male counterparts when a scantily-dressed-rather-pretty female walks past.. shldn't one at least haf the decency to try to peep frm the corner of his eye if he absolutely juz haf to take a look?!! ESP with his gf in his arm.. insensitive jerks. n obviously oblivious to the look of disgust n prob embarrassment on his girl's face...

mich` @* 11:57 PM

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Monday, January 17, 2005

STEAMBOAT!!

i've been having steamboat dinners for 2 days in a row..thanks to the generous hosts, we haf an abundance of food leftover.. makes me wonder, does appetite shrink with age? or perhaps purely an overbuying of food..tink the latter sounds more logical, esp upon realizing tt i've been eating more than once for each meal for the past few days i.e. dinner (part 1) at 6pm & then agn (part 2) at 9pm..YUCKS! i'm turning into a monster..cookie monster!!! [*note:cookie monster in sesame street.. e one whom i haf a similar eating pattern with..]

the gathering on sat was great!! with clinton n mum as hosts, (clint's treat agn..he's nt accepting money for all da food, ever so generous with frens..) mun, zl, alex, eric, sjian, the lye brothers aka ryan n cjian, n layhong!! oh wow when was da laz time we had a gathering with such PERFECT attendance?! the food was good, company's great, wat more can i say? *smiles* e conversatn topic was lyk say, 85% on e saf!! 4 regulars n 1 nsf.. dominating e dining table, with our failed attempt to disrupt n irritate them with our "pi li huo" regurgitation.. =D n e ocs song even came on.. gosh ha e nxt thing we know they'll prob sing so often tt we'll be forced to learn the lyrics.. quote wat eric said, "dunno oso sing till can memorise by heart..at e rate they force us to sing everyday!" oh tell me abt it...

we previewed lam n ryan's taiwan trip! they took soOo many photos.. tink they had loads fun..eating n visiting..shopping n beo-ing girls! haha=D
we had an enjoyable conversation after tt, pseudo discussion.. with tasteful music in e background.. ;)

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CHOY darl's net connection in finally up! gosh i missed her so much.. missed hearing her voice, missed her updates, missed her smses.. (ok yeah i do receive her msges now n then frm sweden, but its NOT enough!! ;p) n missed her..
so all can imagine moi excitement when i got to conference with her at long last.. i went online the moment i reached home! which was abt 3.30am in spore, 8pm in sweden! i'm soOo relieved to see tt she's stil around, waiting for me perhaps.. ha ecstatic is the word i'd use upon seeing her on web-cam! i was soOoo over-joyed! =D

she showed me her room there.. guessed e heater muz b pretty powerful coz she's plainly clad in tees n shorts.. qiang eh? a rather fully equipped room i'd say, with a proper shower room n nice lil' kitchen! n of coz.. her snacks! they brought a whole shelf FULL of snacks there.. but i know moi darling girl..its literally her soul-nourishment!;p i juz hope they'll haf enough to last, or at least haf groceries selling snacks which can make her happy!

was so pissed off when she emailed to tell us tt she feels she's nt exactly v accepted there, asians as the minority.. sucks! snobs with such low-class "elitist" thoughts.. [note: elitist is wat they perceive themselves to be..] *rolls eye fervently*

luckily she's gonna be there onli for a sem i.e. half a yr, so i hope she's nt too bothered by e nonsense tt's gg around her.. i mean, there's nothing much to worry bout..she'll juz haf to fit in to the best of her ability, even if she cant fit in, she'll be welcomed back with love n hugs frm all of us back home nvtheless! its juz so nice to know tt there're pple back home whu'll support u no matter wat happens, e pple whom u can fall back on, depend on when u fall down... (i hope she knows tt..) its reli a blessing to haf pple tt are juz standing by... for u.

i was on e verge of tearing so many times yest..

oki so i did tear..

had to move away frm the webcam so many times.. din wan her to see me lydat.. n seeing her tear definitely didn't help.

but i'm sure things will get betta..e next time i tok to her she'd prob revert back to her bubbly self!! am looking forward..i am positive!

stayed with her til 7am in the morning..12midnite in sweden.

come to tink of it, where's my choy? isn't she supposed to be online bt tiz time?! we sorta promised to go online everynite so we can tok.. so tt i can see her n she can see me!=D ha

she's grown to be a part of me..a special part, for the past 7,coming 8yrs of frenship!! n counting.. ;)

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we celebrated jo n adel's 21st bday today!! e da-jies in our clique, the 1st 2 to turn 21!! they treated us to steamboat at jo's place..we went mkting at GIANT.. overcrowded with pple already starting to make cny purchases imagine tt!! its bt 3-4wks away.. ha the trip revealed how little we know bt groceries shopping!!;) keke adel's bfren can prob beat us hands-down when it comes to culinary skills.. totally no qie! ha she's so xin fu with e yummilicious ai xin meals.. he'd prob b cooking for her birthday!! n jo celeb part 1 of her bday with her v sweet E-guy, whu touched her extremely with his sweetness n sensitivity, w planning of e day n e prezzies..aww.. part 2 w us dearies, n part 3 with D-guy whu'll prob make her fall in love all over again... ;)
the food was good! we managed to buy enough for the 7 of us jo,adel,pee,hmin,nana,bee, me.. w choy, xuan & rou with us in hearts, ping's sick! (hope she gets well soon..she sounded quite bad when i called her tiz afternoon..) we tried miso-soup as the soup base, unconventional, but was surprisingly good.

jo n adel had a real memorable bday, courtesy of bee, with mich playing a "minor" role! ha they had to search for a tiny piece of chocolate amidst the plateful of flour, guess the brand n flavour before they'd be spared.. they were reli good sports~!;p as luck wld haf it, *snickers* they guessed the flavour wrongly! both of them!! so pee n i had the privilege of decorating their faces w whipped creams..eww! hah yeah n all e while we had to remind ourselves to ji de.. aka earn merits, coz our birthdays are coming up next!!! aha.. we all know wat menacing ideas jo n adel wil come up with man.. trust them to totally kill us all~! ARGH..

ha i had alot of fun.. *smiles* these pple are the lil' shiny pieces tt make up my heaven.

another 2 bday invitations coming up nxt wk..

*yawnz* its mummy's chk-up tmr! n she's urging me to go slp now..she knows me so well, knows tt if she doesn't nag i'll prob stay up til 4..

nitez peeps..

n choy's stil nowhere to be seen :(

mich` @* 2:35 AM

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Thursday, January 13, 2005

omg..i've totally forgotten bt the last part...

credits given to the girl whom i lifted tiz story frm..its so nice i cldn't resist sharing w more pple ;p

mich` @* 9:44 AM

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In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait for a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.

After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him.

"LD, you are pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops.

I said: "Yes, but it’s ok, you can leave now."

He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had really originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't.

In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scares in each other's heart. For me, it’s unintentional; for him, totally intentional.

I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated. Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him.

From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room.

At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time; I cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us?

Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions.

He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, it is like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital.

Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain.

Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son, and me, his eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain...

He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his. I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.

Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:

"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now.... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no long has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion...

Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you throughout your life journey. And to be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."

From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:

"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging..."

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."

He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as tears slowly rolled down my face...

A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loved me the most in this world is gone forever.

mich` @* 9:44 AM

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Wednesday, January 12, 2005

so much haf happened recently..or rather, i've nt been updating moi blog for so long.

ed went back to philly on mon afternoon, received an sms frm him tiz morning telling me he has reached safely..=)

choy's in sweden now, she msged me yest nite saying she misses home.. n everythin bout spore.. her internet connection's nt done up yet so she cant call me yet..am waiting tho

sheun n rou in canada..its snowing there!! n they reli seemed to be enjoying themselves alot! *envy*

sch has started..tiz is already e second wk of school. nt v interesting wk.. rather boring i'd say, but i'll try my best to do well for tiz sem! haf borrowed 2 txtbks frm e library juz now..wil revise e few chapters tt we've gone thru in e lectures ltr..aren't u proud of me dearie? *beaming* a few events coming up for council.. my ubin cycling proposal was approved tiz morning, haf to start doing up e publicity n forcing frens to support! heh;p n the captain's ball which i agreed to help shawn plan.. i betta get down to it soon!

haf been binge eating recently.. snacking, proper meal, then snack agn! n nt feeling full at all.. heh watch out! i'm so gonna clear e food at tiz sat's steamboat..keke =D

the mosquito bites frm ubin..r leaving scars all over my legs. yucks!

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The HongKong/Shanghai trip was fantastic!!

it was a reli relaxing n nice vacation, a great end to moi hols.. after a mth of working regular long hrs at citibank right after my exams, which meant wks of cramming n stress...

tho i was sick juz b4 e hols, sorta food poisoning.. i managed to eat well by the second night in hongkong, with some tlc.. luckily i got well..it'd be such a pity to nt b able to try e good food. ;p

e challenge in hk was to speak n understand their language, which i'm reli bad in. as ed put it, every meal is a challenge ;p but we managed to order pretty decent food w ed's dim sum standard cantonese..ha thank goodness!

hk's weather was great! cool, but nt too cold.. tink shopping centre temperature on the streets, plus cool breeze..wow! we reached hk on 23rd nite.. ed planned it such tt we cld spend our xmas there. e view of e hongkong skyline frm the habour was breath-taking!! esp at nite with the building all lighted up, n they had pretty xmas decor! we went to walk around on e 1st nite there.. n we walked down the avenue of stars.. its lyk tiz long walkway, with hanging lights in the shape of stars..n on e grd there're tiles with famous artistes' hand-imprints..

we went ocean park e nxt day!! i had so much fun! was looking forward to gg there.. rem watching hk drama serials since young, with kids in the show alwiz yearning to go ocean park! e rides were rather mediocre..except the roller coaster rides of coz! i've tiz phobia for roller coaster, but i'll convince myself to try em despite knowin tt i'll scream my head off.. i take comfort in knowing tt at least its temporary.. ;) juz being on the rides with him is enough to make me feel at ease, with him taking my hands in his.. *smiles* i love the sealion n dolphin show.. they're so adorable, n reli smart..makes me wonder how much effort it took to train them to their standard today. Impressive! n they've interesting snacks there.. we tried a green cocktail drink, teriyaki bbq squids (a huge plate of it! we onli managed to finish half e portion), n curry fishballs.. we chanced upon tiz caricature drawing stall there n we had one done! w underwater world as e theme for our backgrd..w a NEMO!! din reli look lyk us,but it's so cute! ha ask me n i'll show u..;p nt cheap tho, cost us a whooping 120hkd

they had a fireworks display on xmas.. nt v remarkable tho, i tink spore can do so much betta! =D e streets were cordoned off n e entire tsim sha tsui became lyk a pedestrian mall.. super crowded, had to inch our way thru..needless to say, the train station was so packed! horrifying.. ha can feel e xmas-y mood tho there weren't any proper countdowns..n everywhere was v crowded in hk during my 4days stay there, up til midnite..amazing? e shops dun close so early comparatively..

we went up to victoria peak! via tiz tram tt was travelling almost vertically.. e view was spectacular! wld haf been betta if it weren't as hazy..but stil, awesome!! felt recharged juz merely standing there! ;) took the ferry back..their well-known green n white ferry. e tide was so high, wld haf fallen into the sea if we weren't careful enough..

his parents r wonderful! v nice n pleasant.. they took reli gd cr of me on the trip! (n vice-versa of coz!!;p ) n they're v loving too.. bt i shall nt post their photos here..muz respect their privacy! i truely enjoyed tiz trip with them!but then agn, i wasn't a tad worried to begin with.. haf met them before.. ;)

i got a gorgeous sweater from ed for xmas! its says "ME" in front n a "respect ME" at e back w a crown.. he surprised me on the day we were leaving for the airport.. he got it for me coz ME stands for Michelle & Edward..gosh so sweet rite?;p i can stil vividly rem his expression when telling me tiz.. *smiles* its actually tiz missy-elliott collection frm adidas which he got in new york.. he got a brown adidas sweater for himself, n we went looking around for sweaters for his parents e day b4.. he was trying to get matching ones for all of us! thanks dear, for making me feel i'm a part of e family...

mich` @* 3:10 AM

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Tuesday, January 11, 2005

back at the HongKong Airport, Ed with his fav planes at the backgrd!;) awaiting our flight to Shanghai in a few mins time..

mich` @* 12:41 PM

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e green & white STAR ferry

mich` @* 12:33 PM

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The splendid grand view from e famous Victoria Peak.

mich` @* 12:32 PM

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We tried to capture e best view but was rather unsuccessful due to e huge influx of pple coming up resulting in over-crowding at e viewing gallery..

mich` @* 12:30 PM

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one of HongKong WinterFest's attractions.. e SantaTown!

mich` @* 12:26 PM

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we visited the huang da xian temple with his parents..

mich` @* 12:24 PM

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love e crowns on our heads..its hand-made n sold on e streets on xmas day!! we felt lyk e king & queen for one nite.. ;)

mich` @* 12:22 PM

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e fireworks display! e fireworks were shooting out from e office buildings.. simultaneously from approx 18 most significant buildings on e skyline!

mich` @* 12:18 PM

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no cars!! YAY!

mich` @* 12:15 PM

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e "pedestrian mall" concept on xmas!! see pple all over on the roads..

mich` @* 12:15 PM

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e sealion n dolphin show!! e trainer lying there was pretending to be dead while e sealion tried to revive him.. e sealion "saved" him frm e water by tossing e red&white float to him.. oh ya! he revived him eventually by giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation! entertaining n hilarious!!

mich` @* 12:13 PM

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in e cable car! e staffs dun pack e cars to its max capacity (which is 6 per car), so we got e entire car to ourself! its big n spacious, with windows which we can open to enjoy e breeze.. the cars are a tad too shaky tho, n e view from top-down is definitely a challenge for those afraid of heights..

mich` @* 12:07 PM

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e cable car which links e kiddy part of ocean park to e park with more thrilling rides..tiz ride is already a thrill ride by itself.. n spore's cc pales in comparison.

mich` @* 12:02 PM

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i love tiz pict to bits!! shows the gentle side of him which few haf seen.. (am risking my life posting tiz up..he's so gonna kill me!!)

mich` @* 11:57 AM

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e neon-green cocktail.. super sweet!

mich` @* 11:47 AM

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woo hoo!! e rides, here i come!!!

mich` @* 11:45 AM

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hee OCEAN PARK!! e high-light of e HK trip.. keke i def feel lyk a lil' girl tt day.. *feeling xin fu n all*

mich` @* 11:43 AM

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e marvelous view outside ocean park!!

mich` @* 11:41 AM

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e avenue of stars i was toking bout.. ;)

mich` @* 11:39 AM

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e breath-taking view of hk's skyline..

mich` @* 11:38 AM

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dun u juz love the loud colourful billboards? n if u look closely, its the hk cab in e backgrd..

mich` @* 11:36 AM

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YAY!! immerse in e HongKong nightlife..

mich` @* 11:34 AM

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haha check out wat we chanced upon..

mich` @* 11:32 AM

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