hmm..

mich` @* 9:40 AM

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profile..

mich` @* 9:25 AM

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jocelyn's one times special gerl tt i've gotten to know thru npcc..she's 1 of moi cadets in the guard-of-honour contingent for NPCC day n SYF 2002.. she has indeed made my job much more fulfilling! she makes consistent efforts to show concern for moi well-being n is a real jiang yi qi fren..she nv fails to brighten my days n her efforts to maintain our friendship is admirable.. reli thankful n feel blessed to haf her as moi fren.. =) thanks for the support thru trying times n u rem to take gd care of yrself n tt gastric prob! dun wan see u in hosp agn..

tiz gerl's mugging till she's super stressed..her displayed name in msn says "maths is driving me crazy.. feel lyk jumping down from 13th storey.." i reminded her not to stress herself too much..haf confidence tt she'll make it! n she was telling me tiz..
dun be surprised when one day i ask who r u.. n laugh..
but dun worry.. this will never happen.. cos i will forget everyone in my life but for u, jus one word.. NEVER, never will i forget u.. haaha..

i asked her y is she esp nice to me..
haha.. .. tis is the type of Q that has no ans cos there is no logic in it but jus 100% pure feelings towards fren,,
u ask me y i oso dun noe..i noe that we r not those childhood fren or watever.. u may not haf as much feeling to tis frenship as i do.. but its jus part of my instinct to tressure u.. haha.. does is enlighted u alitte ?haha

sometime its really hard to maintain our frenship cos we r both far apat i wld say.. haha
i may onli be someone who jus come into ur life 4 awhile n will be gone easily without contact..
but somehow i dun wan tis to happen.. so i'll be trying all my best to keep tis frenship..

ya..i agree many pple come n go..many opportunities gone..friendships forged n broken..& i feel 1 of the main reason is coz i'm nt a v xi xin person..is nt pro-active in maintaining relationships.. usually v bei-dong..
hmm.. i'm oso not a very xi xin kind of ppl.. n dun expect me to hold on to every frenship..
but when some pple come into ur life n make a special impression that builds up the rapport, u wun wan to let the person go..
n u r one of them..

so sweet rite her words.. n her actions to match her words.. am keeping tiz entry in moi blog so i know where to seek assurance when i feel unloved n uncared for..haha =D the secrets to remain happy ^_^ !

mich` @* 2:48 AM

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Friday, October 15, 2004

the night seems more peaceful than usual..
my composure..
e serenity,
at peace with myself...
i'm feeling great! e best in all week...
finally i can get down to some serious work..
life seems wonderful..at least for now :)

mich` @* 3:23 AM

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Lessons of the heart #1:

A r/s in which changes aren't being made won't be statisfying, but a r/s without acceptance won't last. Many of us would like our partners to change while we think that they should accept us. It's hard for us to admit we're not thoroughly lovable, either, just the way we are.

Acceptance is not grim resignation. It is not tolerating something you can't stand or is harmful. It is not giving up in defeat. In many ways, it is a peaceful surrender to truth. It is the understanding that some situations or personal characteristics cannot be changed much, and it is the willingness to stop insisting that things be what they cannot. In its best form, acceptance is done with respect and love. If you accept a partner's faults and give up a never-ending battle to change him, and if you do so with the love that comes from knowing he has his good qualities, you can make the best of you situation.

The trouble with trying to accept your partner's flaws is that every flaw appears changeable. We convince ourselves that it is purely a matter of willpower and that is your mate truly loved you he would perserve and make the changes you want. But that is unrealistic and unfair. Satisfaction in a meaningful r/s comes, at least in part, from knowing that neither partner is perfect and each is nevertheless being loved and hopefully cherished despite imperfections. Coming to terms with our loved ones' faults and frailties by accepting some of them shows that we truly love them for who they are. It's nice to know we've got what it takes.

Lessons of the heart #2:

All couples will take each other for granted. It's human nature. The more serious mistake occurs when neglect reaches a level where he/she no longer feels special or cherished. Cherishing and being cherished is a fundamental ingredient for a happy, successful r/s. The irony is that when u feel cherished, you can handle the occassional lapses in attention and affection. Cherishing is not romance. It can include romance, but romance is not required. You can be romantic with someone you just met but you won't cherish that person.

A radiant look into your partner's eyes or a tender embrace may be more significant than roses or a walk on the beach. Cherishing is certainly an aspect of loving, but it is an enhanced form of love, an aspect that is both brighter and deeper. Being beloved feels different than being loved. It contains that extra ingredient that can make the difference between a r/s that survives and one that thrives.

Lessons of the heart #3:
A hidden agenda is an unspoken, sometimes subconcious issue that fuels upset feelings. When couples argue repeatedly and old conflicts show up again and again, you can bet a hidden agenda is lurking. Until it surfaces and is resolved, conflicts or resentment will persist. Sometimes u may be well aware of ur hidden agendas. But u may choose not to bring them up becos u fear it will cause more problems or will hurt ur partner's feelings.

When couples argue but do not identify hidden agendas that may be lurking, all efforts to communicate effectively will be useless. Whatever understanding they reach or solution they agree to will be ineffective becos the deeper prob is being overlooked. Bad feelings develop and cause more arguements as partners grow crankier with each other and become less interested in going out of their way for one another.

Lessons of the heart #4:
Many couples in love make this mistake- defining commitment according to the level of happiness that exists in the relationship. Commitment is a decision, not a feeling. It may be fed by emotions of love and desire, but it is anchored in place by choice and moral integrity. Emotions shift. Commitment must be sturdier. It is not difficult to commit to someone you love. It is harder but critically important to remain committed when adversity strikes or passion withers. Otherwise, you are not devoted to the other person. You are only devoted to the feeling of being in love.

Every couple needs a certain amount of closeness and a certain amount of separateness. But when u are not fully committed, you will never fully give yourself to the relationship. Since committment is ultimately a decision, you must first commit yourself to choosing. You must choose to do the kinds of things that people in truly committed r/s do. A moral-based commitment is a commitment to the marriage vows and to your partner's human dignity and spiritual growth. It means a willingness to remain devoted to the othe rperson despite hardship, fluctuations in passion etc. The feelings of being in love shifts. We must be stronger than our feelings.

Once you commit to choosing, you must choose to commit to the choices you've made. Some people claim they are committed. They claim they will never leave their partner. But they do very little to make the r/s fulfilling. If you know you cannot devote yourself to the other person, or if your partner is not devoted to you, you must honestly reevaluate the reasons for staying together. If your love is a fire, commitement is the kindling. Without it, the warmth of your passion cannot be sustained.

mich` @* 3:10 AM

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Wednesday, October 13, 2004

was out getting bee's prezie with min & nana.. realized tt they were reli getting quite tired of keeping the group together..with many of us free-loaders around..! juz speaking bt getting prez for everyone in da clique..it has been the usual few going to get those prez..every mth..busy? everybody is busy i suppose..tt's definitely not much of an excuse..my sentiments for temper as well..everybody has temper..its juz a matter of how u control it..dun tink the pple around u suffer silently becoz they dun haf temper & tt too bad,yrs is bad!!get a life..its coz they treasure u n do not want to show u attitude!!tell me whu doesn't haf one..stop giving yrself excuses n comfort yrself by saying tt u are juz bad at controlling it..someday when yr loved ones get tired of putting up with tt..u'll know wat i mean... n of coz..tt refers to yrs sincerely too..everyone in fact!!

back to the time issue..everybody has their stuff to be busy with.. i can be busy eating..i can be busy sleeping, shopping, slacking, enjoying..u get the idea?! its a matter of effort..effort keeps many things going..some pple r busy too..its a priority issue..some things are more impt to some while to others..its juz nt top-priority issue..i guess when we grow older..many things changed..yr perspectives change..the way u look at pple n how u treat them change... many pple juz cannot be bothered with the little things in life..the small efforts...i kinda miss secondary school life..where things were much simpler..

simple + innocent = happy + satisfied

those times where we dun hafta worry much bout studies..those times where little things touched our hearts a great deal..i can stil rem those days when i'd receive letters from frens and even anonymous juniors..the joy & child-like happiness..i cant describe..those days when i look forward to recess when i can spend more time toking to moi frens n go around the level to look for moi frens..n my best fren in the class at the far end..n when i dun go down canteen sometimes..she'll get food back for me..little sandwiches n pizzas..enough to fill moi day with sunshine!!=D those lil' heart-warming notes tt come with 'em..

oh yeah did i mention i love crescent's letterbox concept? the wooden class treasure where we'd stuff notes for the pple we admire..the angel-mortal game..n of coz..the passing of np messages n love-notes for frens...=P the times we spent painting banners..class-banners for sports' meet..npcc banner for ECA-Day..e lil' souvenirs we made to "cheat" little gerls to join our ecas..the "fights" among rival cca..the after school rife-polishing sessions..the campcraft trainings..the times where we stayed back till the jagar chased us out with his amazingly loud n threatening voice.. to practise fancy drills n taekwondo for eca-day & POP...n dance for the RODs n CREZ AWARDS n of coz nt forgetting our numerous squad-talks!! i've lost count!! have all these been forgotten? i guez the days have erased many parts of our memory..i'm a renowned "short-term memory" person..but these..haf nv one bit been erased off from my memory..wat bout yrs? does all these stil mean anymore to u?tell me....

heard from min tt xuan n rou are going queens for exchange..tiz dec!! am happy for u guys definitely..esp since rou had faced so much probs convincing her parents..& tt choy is going sweden for her exchange..all of them gg nxt sem..u told them u'll tell me when it's confirmed..izit tt i'll not support yr decision to go?or will i mock at u if u din pass the application?rem wat u told me the other day? wat is the definition of top priority?u tell me...

i'm beginning to ponder bout many things..perhaps wat u once said was true.. but i refuse to accept tt pessimistic statement...i believe it all comes with effort!!every single part of life.. dun take things too hard?i guess so..changes are inevitable i guess..its a matter of extent!!back to the prez..min n nana suggests tt either nxt yr we all do not get prez for everybody's birthday---->no more birthday presents for anybody...OR we juz chip in the money then the person go get sth she lyks i.e. do funds transfer to the person & she can go get her own prezie..
tt reli set me thinking alot..alot in fact!! i do not disagree with their chu fa dian..i might..if i were in their shoes..its lyk giving alot but no one reciprocrates..n min mentioned tiz,"wat's the point of saying that u miss everybody when u make zero effort to org. gatherings or make the effort to go get bday prezzes?" i can sense the exasperation..the i-am-sick-of-doing-all-these-when-no-one-bothers!! n nana mentions tt she has to pass network twice to get everybody's replies..apparently..many pple juz read n either dun bother, or plainly forgets bout it...

the 11 of us..been thru so much.. laughter,anger,cryings..jealousy,envious,proud moments.. wateva u name it! 7 yrs of frenship..spending all major events n festivals together..the sharing of inner secrets...everything!!from boys to school n the future!! i'm v sure..super convinced tt we'll be frens for a life-time..if everybody tried..i can almost see faces of all of u guys nodding vigorously!!~~ we nid to show those pple whu haf been constantly trying n putting in effort tt we, every single one of us, want to keep the frenship!! =D come on gerls, we're the best aren't we? supporting each other every step of the way from sec sch days till now..nv once did we give up on each other..n definitely not now..not in da future!! show 'em all!!!

rem: laziness + zero effort = kill 'em all

i.e. not putting in effort n constantly saying u're busy or tt u haf betta things to do (note tt w r nt unreasonable pple whu haf sky-high expectations..) will definitely kill all relationships..*guaranteed*

mich` @* 11:43 AM

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it was a fun & interesting nite at the chalet..but disgusting for Ryan of coz!!=D HaPPy biRthday to u!!may u be blessed with the finest things in life!!

mich` @* 11:25 AM

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check out their sarcastic cum triumphant look!!;P --->

mich` @* 11:23 AM

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eew..look at wat they're doing to the birthday boy!!~~

mich` @* 11:21 AM

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<-------FAMILY SHOT!!!------>

mich` @* 11:20 AM

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more pple joined...

mich` @* 11:19 AM

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the early birds..ha we happen to meet up first b4 tt of coz!!

mich` @* 11:18 AM

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Monday, October 11, 2004

mich` @* 2:02 AM

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n more...

mich` @* 2:00 AM

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... ...

mich` @* 1:59 AM

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Sunday, October 10, 2004

i'm feeling weird..unhappy..insecure..miserable..depressed..I'M FEELING WRONG ALL OVER! best..i dunno y i'm feeling lyk tiz & its killing me silently...its eating me..its affecting me..
izit pms?i hate myself!!i hate my fragility..i hate my overwhelming emotions..i hate my inability to control my feelings & my life!!i'm scared..i'm losing control over alot of things..i'm losing control of my temper..i'm losing control over how i feel towards things..i'm losing control of myself... i DO NOT want to feel lyk tiz...

wat will u do if something happened to me...?

mich` @* 4:35 AM

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I AM STRONG!!!

mich` @* 4:04 AM

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Friday, October 08, 2004

Anonymous number: What are you doing now?
Me: (onli read e msg 9 hrs later as moi starhub fone, as usual, was nt w me at school) oh u r..?

Anonymous: Roy. u free to meet up now?
Me: of course not! i dun even know whu u are..

Roy: I'm Roy..
Me: (thought: duh-uh!*super rolled-eye* u juz told me yr name is Roy) yes, n tt's e only thing i know..

Roy: U meet me then we can get to know each other betta rite?
Me: (wondering..HUH?! damn OFF!!) how did u get my no.?

Roy: so long already..i canot rem..
Me: (was seriously tinkin how long can it b, since i got moi hub number for less 18mths..) er..were u frm my school?

Roy: wat school u frm?
Me: (so convinced tt he muz b some crazy old bua-ya freak!) oki i got my answer..

Roy: so how? can we meet?
Me: *freaking disturbed* no not free..mebe until u got yr memory back!

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today was da dunno how many times tiz anonymous fella msged me.. (*Note: din even bother to save his number therefore had to ask whu's tiz unknown no.!) haf TOTALLY no idea whu he is & i'm quite sure i dun gif moi number away lyk tt.. (& doubly sure of tt coz onli few know my starhub fone number!!) he sounded lyk he's some old fren..i mean who'd ask "wat are u doing now?" unless tt person is relatively close to u.. wat e heck! machiam tt's yr business!! wanted to call da number to find out whu's tiz person..BUT decided not to..call liao so wat?

if i realized tt he's nt moi fren, wat wil i do?
1) throw some vulgaries & tell tt dumbo to take a hike & stop irritating me?!
2) probe how he gets moi no. & prob either kill e fella' who gave da number if he reveals, or keeps bugging him if he refuses to say, til he admits!
3) yeah rite..convince me tt u've gotten into an accident & lost yr brain!! n mebe we can haf a get-to-know each other session all over again!!

if he's moi fren,
1) double jialat..so totally insincere!cannot rem how we know each other
2) worse still..play such stunts to ask to meet up..---> super wu liao!!

Conclusion: dun bother! (moi usual bochup & act blur attitude towards such!) ha nt as if i care anyway.. nt as if i'm interested AT ALL to know whu u are, not to mention get to know u better! *pul-lease..* u're prob some revolting fella' who juz msg any number n tries to get lucky..OR some ah-peks pretending to be suave young men 30 yrs younger than they are..attempting such IRC-like tricks to meet up..whu do u tink u r cheating man?! u tink girls in tiz era are still naive & will hold a matching yellow rose to identify with you at some ulu kopitiam..get a life!! even if u're nt as hideous looking as e above 2 types, & may be as cute n gorgeous as Daniel Wu, its non of my concern!i will NOT be BOTHERED!!! so GET LOST & STOP annoying me b4 i reveal de HOSTILE, NASTY, MENACING, UNFRIENDLY, ANTAGONISTIC side of me! i've warned U....

mich` @* 5:11 AM

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Thursday, October 07, 2004

had tuition 2 days in a row..today almost wanted to KILL moi boy..he's so ^^!~argh!~~.. *clenched fist n smoke piping outta my head* gosh..he cant do simple multiplication.. in his world of maths, there's onli addition & subtraction!! he can happily tell me "multiplication" means minus..he's onli aware tt there's 4 operations--->add,minus,divide & "TIMES"..wah save me, someone!!oki yes i admit i'm nt e world's most patient tutor..i began 'speaking' in a slightly more audible tone n staring at him menancingly!!of coz..tt led him to nt dare to answer me..*sighz*

i muz clarify..i'm NOT angry becoz he doesn't know his stuff..i'm only pissed off coz he's nt paying attention!!he looked lyk he was dozing off at least 20 times during da lesson..ok i know mebe i'm boring..!BUT how to b interesting when exams r coming & he's so freakin' lagging behind n either nt doing his tuitn hmwk or anyhow doing 'em!--->(& when i say anyhow, i reli mean it!!) i can explain n occasionally ask if he understands n he nods..but when i ask at e end whther he understands e WHOLE qn, he shakes his head!!w a guilt-stricken face of coz..but i'm definitely nt empathetic!!in tt situation at least..ARGH!~. but dun b mistaken..i love em..cheryl n wayne yip! i enjoy most of da tuition sessions w dem..yeah of coz i DO dread gg sometimes..but more often than not, moi mood takes a 180degrees turn after e 3-hr session..dunno y..i juz do!! made hotdog buns 4 da both of em..supposed to gif dem for afternoon snacks but today din want my lessons to b affected so gave dem onli after e lesson..4 tmr morning's breakfast i suppose..n bought new stickers to da "rewards" collection!! strawberry shortcake, powerpuff girls, spongebob squarepants & smilies..hah reli can inspire dem to work harder i feel..n of coz at da same time satisfying moi childish fettish 4 stickers!!

i gave him alot alot of hmwk..6 days to my nxt tuition w him..justifies e amt i feel.. usually i try nt to stress em too much..can feel for them..but wat to do..exams in a few wk's time!!& tiz means.. moi exams r coming too!!!in less than 3 weeks..gosh im still wasting alot of time doing wu-ah-bo stuffs..&am

mich` @* 1:43 AM

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Wednesday, October 06, 2004

snapshot taken by xiangying while studying in KAP..in moi fav jacket!! from a special someone.. ;)

mich` @* 9:55 AM

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moi fav watch from moi fav person!!;p

mich` @* 9:53 AM

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moi tied hair w a v unique hairclip tt moi bro's gf---->wendy bought for me frm hongkong

mich` @* 9:52 AM

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moi recent conquest!!--->a colourful bracelet w beautiful pearls..luv 'em to bits!!

mich` @* 9:51 AM

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a totally act cool shot!!! =D

mich` @* 9:50 AM

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q('o')p

mich` @* 9:43 AM

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mediacorp hosted a fund-raising show for the spore cancer society on sunday..e funds raised are peanuts as compared to wat NKF raised--->dey haf lyk a billion worth of reserves yet, applying for e subsidy is tough n easier said then done..<--- i wonder... of coz..it prodded many thoughts n memories..shldn't haf watched it!!was tearing thruout more than half e show..cldn't control em..it juz flows..
cancer society helped us a great deal during tt period..the talks & support group meetings they regularly held to help cancer patients deal w their daily activities, food intake, financially etc..
seeing e patients reminded me of moi dad..reminded me of everything abt him..
his CEA..
da "bag"..
the morphine..
the hospital stays..
the oxygen tanks..
the countless pills he muz take..
e pain..
his love...
his words....

mich` @* 4:31 AM

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Sunday, October 03, 2004

yes i know its late..but i wan blog tiz entry for some remembrance.. yest was SHIJIAN & THONGWEE's commissioning parade! Glory to both of them for passing out frm e officer cadet course! as usual..e parade is qian bian yi lu..all of us cld memorise the procedures..n perhaps the songs too!ha but its stil a v nice parade..cant help tinking how proud i'd b standing dere..*reconsidering the option of joining e saf* da garang trainings, e strength, the courage, da guts, the character, the fortitude, e spirit!! tell me i'm crazy, pul-lease..
dinner @ mac after e parade..cant believe i actually down a whole meal..when was de laz time i did tt?!clean n polished..supper at geylang lorong 17..e dian xin place which jianda brought us dere e other time..had moi fav pi dan congee agn..no one else appreciates tt..haha oh well i'm sure my mum will!!i bought her a bowl too..oh!to be exact, clinton bought her da porridge! n he paid for everybody as well..typical o' him...remind me to pay him back da nxt time..n e tao huey too!!;p
esplanade was our nxt night stop point..it was a nice supper cum tok-cock session..ha w e nsf.. to be exact, two recruits, an IO & a pilot-to-be..tokin bt their "satisfying" meal sessions..e lao-chio,e comments box, the uncles n aunties in the cookhouse..ha downright hilarious!!reminded moiself nt to eat the tau-huey when i sensed a joke coming..gosh..hhaha =D
its these meet-ups..these interesting conversations, the updates of each of their lives..nothing spectacular nor exciting..but its these lil' things tt we do tt keeps da bond! i luv these pple..they haf become a part of moi life, these buds i hope to keep, thruout the journey of life :)
clinton's gg ocs..reporting on monday!ha ya i know its no surprise..company best lei..but stil am thrilled for him! another addition to e regulars of the SAF! its their asset woh..;p hope all goes well for him..n of coz da bunch of recruits, cjian, eric, guojin, yaohui, qinhao..may dey perform their best n prove their prowess!! wil b waiting to salute these pple..1 yr later its gonna b their comms parade!time flies, trust me!in the blink of an eye!
dreadful sim website has been giving me trouble 4 da past few days..everyone cld log in except me! yesh its the traffic i know..with the entire cohort rushing to check their stats results!! finally today..it decided to gif me some much-waited-for mian zi..guess wat?! I got a High-D!! after worryin bt it since i've taken da test..4 so many weeks..i cant believe it..i was totally unconfident..so convinced tt i'd fail..a credit if im lucky..gosh..ya man!i hafta buck up..i needa maintain these results..n the Distinction i got fer e OB essay..credits to ed's editing skills too of coz..cant believe i can focus on an essay non-stop for 12hrs, edit it w him till 1am.. n editing it 4 times..4 drafts..ive nv edited moi essays b4..since sec school days..hhaha!.. now am worried bt the OB grp essay..yes e power 1 tt we did frm 9am-6am e nxt day..pls let us bag a gd grade for tt..i need to push up my final exams..
starting to worry..i've lagged behind in all the modules..cant catch up w all da work.. apprehension & anxiety..gosh..yesh i nid all da moral support!! "i can do it!nothing is impossible rem?"

mich` @* 5:03 PM

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qiyun commented e backgrd's so beautiful!!---> PiCtuRe PeRFECt!! of coz we know where tiz's taken..*winkz*

mich` @* 12:00 PM

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<----moi fav photo---->w my fav person of coz.. ;p

mich` @* 11:57 AM

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Drill team outing!!

mich` @* 11:54 AM

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choy & rou's bday celeb..@ PETALS

mich` @* 8:39 AM

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Saturday, October 02, 2004

nt doin justice to moi fav necklace--->from moi fav fren!! ;p

mich` @* 2:16 PM

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...

mich` @* 2:14 PM

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mood for sleep...

mich` @* 2:13 PM

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<----HIYA---->rib off the helmet, someone!!

mich` @* 2:08 PM

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ME w some dummies in the backgrd..i tot i merged in w em..a dummy in da making!! ;p

mich` @* 2:07 PM

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